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The Self-Help Addict: Turn An Overdose of Information Into a Life of Transformation

Giveaway:

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3 Key Points:

1. Self-improvement can provide an excuse for inaction.
2. The key to initiating action in your life is to break the cycle of consumerism and passivity.
3. Many of us are controlled by our thoughts; Daniel shares how instead we can control our thoughts by relating to them differently.

Article:

You’d be hard pressed to find a millennial who isn’t involved with self-improvement in some way.

According to one survey, 94% of millennials reported making personal improvement commitments and said they’d be willing to spend nearly $300 a month on self-improvement.

I myself first got into personal development over ten years ago when I attended the Landmark Forum, a learning program that offers seminars around the world. I’ve since invested tens of thousands of dollars in my own development, eager to enroll in transformative courses and attend live events… and don’t even get me started about my daily reading habit.

On the surface, self-improvement seems like a great idea—it promises to help you “transcend your limitations” and “unlock your potential” as a human being.

But when we delve just a bit deeper, self-improvement has a shadow side.

One millennial author claims self-improvement has an “addictive” nature that keeps us in a state of consumerism, all the while providing an excuse for inaction.

“When you get to that last page, suddenly there’s a sickly feeling inside. While you’re reading a self help book you’re telling yourself you’re being productive. The problem is when you finish, you’ve got to take responsibility, and instead you just go onto the next book and the cycle continues,” he says.

Meet, Daniel Gefen, author of The Self Help Addict: Turn An Overdose of Information Into a Life of Transformation. He’s an entrepreneur who has founded and scaled multiple companies and currently hosts the top rated podcast, Can I Pick Your Brain? which features guests like Russell Brunson, JP Sears, and Yanik Silver. Gefen was recently named by Influencive one of the Top 25 Most Influencive Influencers of 2017.

This week on the Unconventional Life Podcast, Gefen discusses why self-improvement can be addictive if used incorrectly.

Read on to make sure you’re not falling into any of these self-improvement traps.

Self Improvement Keeps You A Consumer.

While consuming self help resources may seem like a surefire way to fast-track your personal development, Gefen says it’s essential not to fall into the trap of passively consuming these resources and forgetting to actively apply them to your life as they were intended.

“Some millennials are addicted to self improvement because they are allergic to focus,” says relationship coach Jamie Thompson. “ That might be a sobering gut check but fact is with so much ‘pop self-help’ available the human tendency is to reach for quick fix after quick fix hoping something will do it for you.”

While self help “overconsumption” can certainly defeat its purpose, there’s no need to throw the baby out with the bathwater. If you’re somebody who loves personal development resources, why not just commit to actioning what you learn in the real world? Tony Robbins’ podcast tells us “burst” exercises like striking up a conversation with a stranger can be actually be quite effective.

It Teaches You To Value Thought As Much As (And If Not More Than) Action.

In the self help world, you’ll often be told that a solid measurement of the progress you’re making is the quality of the thoughts and feelings you’re having. You may have heard you should “think positive thoughts” or repeat a mantra to yourself in times of distress. While this may seem like good advice, it can also be limiting. Mindfulness app Headspace teaches us that this line of thinking can quickly lead us to “police” our thoughts and become too rigid in our pursuit of eliminating negative thoughts.

Instead, Gefen reminds us the objective isn’t to attain “thought purity,” but in fact it may be more helpful to detach from our thoughts altogether.  “Our thoughts and feelings control us instead of the other way around,” he says.

Choose to give your thoughts less power by allowing them to recede in the background of your awareness rather than being your focal point.

It Inhibits Action.

“At the realm of thought you say to yourself I’m going to lose this much weight, I’m going to make this much money. But then another thought comes in and says no you’re not you’re going to fail—and now you have a battle,” Gefen says.

Getting too caught up in your mental chatter can inhibit you from taking action. That’s why psychologists recommend a skill called “opposite action,” which takes you out of the realm of thought and into the realm of action by initiating the opposite behavior of your thoughts. For example, if you’re feeling apprehensive about bringing something to your boss, using this skill you’d rise to the occasion and have that tricky conversation anyways. “The main purpose is to reduce your need to avoid,” says Alice Boyes, PhD, author of The Anxiety Toolkit.

It’s not about engaging with your thoughts—and arguing with them—but rather, about grounding in action to settle the matter once and for all.

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By 2020, over half of all people will be working remotely. For millennials, the ability to work remotely isn’t just a “nice-to-have,” but for many it is becoming a career requirement.

According to a recent study done by Fidelity, the majority of millennials would take a pay cut if it meant they could find more purposeful work and better work-life balance. With such a rise of millennials prioritizing balance it is no surprise that the number of co-working and co-living places around the world is growing exponentially.

Millennials want to be able to wake up in a beautiful place around the world and have a reliable place they can get their work done, while being able to fuel their creative interests and passions at the same time.

That’s why Gabrielle Bonneville, the co-founder of Momentom Collective, a global network of entrepreneurs and artists who live and co-work in exotic locations like Bali, Guatemala, and Nicaragua, has gained so much international traction so quickly.  

Momentom Collective believes that the key to professional and personal success is balance, which is why they’ve structured their work lives around travel, community, art, and movement. Below, learn from Bonneville how you can integrate Momentom Collective’s principles into your own life to achieve greater work-life balance while working remotely:

1. Tap Into Creativity For Inspiration At Work. Are you one of the seven in ten millennials who feels disengaged at work? Have you ever hit a plateau in your business, or encountered a wall in your performance? If so, Bonneville says the remedy is creativity, which science affirms is a wellspring for inspiration.

“Seek to find a balance between work and creativity, whether that’s taking the time in the morning to meditate or visualize where you want to be. Spend at least one hour a day doing something creative. You will find so much inspiration for your work,” Bonneville says.

Getting creative can help you generate novel ideas, as well as see things from an expanded perspective, which are valuable professional skills.

2. Engage In Mindfulness. Work can create undue amounts of stress and anxiety, so it’s important to have a practice to counterbalance these effects. Bonneville recommends doing yoga, which can help you alleviate stress and cultivate serenity. “Yoga is really about accessing your mind and the potential within it. My yoga might be somebody else’s trapeze or burlesque dancing,” Bonneville says. Aim to find a practice that both soothes and sharpens your mind in order to complement your work.

3. Choose To Co-Work. According to psychologists, one of the greatest risk factors for depression is loneliness. Unfortunately for many of us, our day-to-day lives don’t optimize towards social interaction and our direct face-to-face contact with friends is minimal. Studies show social media use has its opposite intended effect, making us feel more isolated.

In today’s digital age, it’s crucial to set aside deliberate time for engaging with friends beyond the screen. Better yet, structure your life in such a way that face time with friends is built-in. Momentom Collective’s members live and cowork together in a communal space, so social time is integral to their day-to-day. “The idea was to create a network of residencies where people who want to travel will be able to hop around, still have that lifestyle design of aerial and yoga, and be able to meet different people around the world, Bonneville says.

4. Make Movement A Daily Habit. One of the Momentom Collective’s core philosophies is self-expression through movement. Bonneville says, “If you’re finding you’re living this dull existence, find a way to express yourself and observe yourself in one breath.” Daily movement can provide a number of mental benefits (in addition to obvious physical benefits), including improved mental focus, memory, cognitive flexibility, and academic performance, which makes it a great accessory to work.

5. Take Advantage Of World Travel. There’s a reason the Momentom Collective has chosen Guatemala, Nicaragua, and Bali as destinations for their residencies—they provide a way to get in touch with nature’s beauty and the experience the world’s cultural diversity.

Seeing new parts of the world can infuse your life with more rich experiences to supplement the potential “dryness” of work. Similarly, learning new things can help shake up an old routine. The Momentom Collective hosts multiple workshops each day for its members, with member-contributed content ranging from tips to succeed in entrepreneurship to lessons in aerial arts. “You have to take a leap from outside your current environment,” Bonneville says.

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