Unconventional Life – Podcast, Blog, Live Events

Category: Relationships

Ep 222: The Simple Reasons Why Intimate Relationships Fail Over and Over with Alison Armstrong
Let’s face it, relationships aren’t easy. A fruitful partnership takes work and it can seem impossible when you find yourself in a futile disagreement over whose turn it is to do the laundry or what’s for dinner. It’s not what you had envisioned for yourself, nor the way you intend to speak to your partner. It happens to most and it makes no logical sense (since when are emotions logical?). The culprit: unspoken expectations.

Managing expectations, knowing how to ask for what you need, finding the right words to communicate your needs, and altering your life to make space for the kind of relationship you’re looking for is what this week’s Unconventional Life guest does professionally.

Best selling author, speaker, thought-leader, and PAX community creator, Alison Armstrong, has spent the last 30 years researching what destroys, makes and builds partnerships.

What is the difference between a relationship and a partnership? Although often used interchangeably, Alison explains these two terms as two very different things.

Relationships are most often defined by expectations. Most often unspoken, expectations are what we think should happen, what we feel entitled to, and what we often have never considered needs verbalizing to our partners. It is when these unspoken expectations are not met that arguments can occur. Generally, one’s understanding of how a relationship is going is based upon how one feels their needs are being met and how well they feel they are meeting their partners’ needs. Again, this is almost always a completely unspoken experience. Most relationships are doomed by “don’t ask, don’t tell”.

Partnerships, on the other hand, are created, formed, and built on accountability. As Alison states, count-on-ability. What she means is a discussed agreement by which each person vocalizes their needs, wants, and requests. Each partner is to bring a set of needs or wants to the table. These needs and wants are discussed and an agreement is made on the things each party is or is not willing to do. No questioning, no guessing, and no unspoken expectations. If a request has never been made, there are no grounds for disappointment. One of the definitions of partnership is being on the same team.

Stay Awake

If you are not present with your relationship, and I mean really present with it, it will not survive. Simple. It must be a priority. It must be tended to regularly. The relationship can’t just stay alive without all parties present. You and your presence with the relationship are what sustains it.

There are two key factors that, when intersected, dictate your ability to have a successful life, a successful relationship, and to remain present for it all. It is what you do with these two factors that tell the story of your life.
1. Time, How do you spend your time?
2. Energy, How do you spend your energy?
Energy includes money. After all it’s your life force and your time that you exchange for money, isn’t it? Oh, and worry. Worry spends both time and energy. If you want to change your life, then change how you spend these two factors. By using the word spend, a choice is implied. You choose how you spend your time and you choose how you spend your energy. Don’t like how your life is going? Make a change.

“Changing one’s life is not complicated. We think it is complicated, but it’s not, it’s just time and energy. And you could change it a little bit at a time and have a huge effect.”

Alison states the importance of women knowing that men are much more aware of how much time they spend caring for something. Caring is a huge expenditure of energy and men are typically much more aware of this expenditure of energy.

Honor Yourself or All is Lost

Fundamentally, if you don’t know yourself, how can another? When we don’t know why we do the things we do (and you have to know there’s a reason for it) we find ourselves in the position of not having the language to identify, ask for, nor get our needs met. From this position, it’s an uphill battle.

“Treating myself like a precious object will make me strong”
-Julia Cameron (The Artist’s Way)

It is crucial that we treat ourselves with compassion and respect. We will never let anyone treat us better than we treat ourselves and if we don’t show them how to do it, they won’t have a model for how to treat you.

“Self-knowledge. Until we know ourselves, until we understand ourselves, until we accept what we discover about ourselves, we won’t have boundaries in the right places. We will tolerate being criticized for things that we should never allow, or it’s not good for us to ever allow, and we can’t be our own best advocates.”

Get in Touch with Alison

Your Source for Understanding Men and Women – Alison Armstrong

“Alison Armstrong is the real deal. I don’t know anyone else who understands men and women the way that Alison does. She has directly impacted my life and helped me take my relationship from awesome to OUTSTANDING! I love her so much!”

Your Source for Understanding Men and Women – Alison Armstrong

“Alison Armstrong is the real deal. I don’t know anyone else who understands men and women the way that Alison does. She has directly impacted my life and helped me take my relationship from awesome to OUTSTANDING! I love her so much!”

This article was written by Olenka Toroshenko
May 25, 2020
Ep 219: Discover the Best Sex of Your Life with ‘Headmistress of Pleasure’, Layla Martin

Money and sex – two topics you should never discuss at the dinner table… or should you?
Sex is something that mostly all engage in and is an innate part of being human and yet nobody talks about it.

In recent decades, sexuality has begun to move out of the ‘taboo’ as more and more advocates and teachers are uncovering the mysteries of tantra, sacred sexuality, and sex.

Sex can be a much deeper spiritual practice than the quick-swiping hookup culture that society has fallen into in the past few decades. Everybody has the capacity to tap into deeper levels of intimacy and connection – whether you are practicing sex with someone else, or solo.

So how does one begin to deepen their sexual practice, connect with their sacred sexuality, or use the sexual and tantric realms to connect deeper in with themselves?

Unconventional Life caught up with Layla Martin, founder of the Tantric Institute of Integrated Sexuality, who has spent over 10,000 hours teaching people how to experience more epic sex. She’s been affectionately referred to as the ‘headmistress of pleasure’, reaching roughly 79 million people through her Youtube videos and with a 200k+ subscriber email list.

For Layla, the disconnect from sexuality as a sacred practice is “the core of what holds women back…this fundamental disempowerment from our spirituality and our sexuality – we can feel like it’s a whole new era for us, but until we repair the damage that got done from thousands of years of denying women sexual sovereignty and the right to say no, the ability to be spiritual leaders and to claim that wisdom, I don’t believe that we can fully step into the full freedom and leadership that’s available to us”
She believes that tantric practices can enable women to step into full leadership roles and become fully empowered, along with feeling a deep connection to themselves and their bodies.

Layla believes one of the best things about tantra is that it’s so accessible to everyone, no matter what lifestyle you lead – “one of the foundational teachings in the tantric tradition is that you can do a spiritual path through life… I think there’s something so radical and beautiful in that for people who are spiritually hungry in the modern age but they don’t want to bypass their human life.”

Here are 3 practices that Layla recommends for those who are eager to deepen their own sacred sexuality, connect with themselves or are just curious to see what the practices of tantra become available to them.

Have an intention around your sexuality

“We can spend a lot of time comparing or complaining or feeling shame about our sexuality or just ignoring it…but the first step really is to have an intention… an hour-long orgasm… I would love to have a more conscious sexual experience… Whatever the intention is, I find that holding that intention is such a great first start. Whatever i want to experience, I can hold a vision for it sexually and then trust that it will fall into place…”

Get clear on an intention you would like to create through your experience – whether that be by yourself, or with a partner – a longer orgasm, a deeper connection to your body, for instance.

Practice mindfulness

Layla advocates any techniques and practices that are designed for “getting out of our heads and critical thinking and into our beingness”. She is passionate about breathwork as one such technique, along with mindfulness and meditation practices.
When practicing during a sexual experience – through self-pleasure or with a partner – ensure to slow down, be mindful of what you are feeling, notice the breath, anchor yourself into the present moment, and your body.

Get intimate… with you!

According to Layla, masturbation, and self-pleasure is such a key practice for those wanting to deepen their sacred sexuality and understand their bodies better.

“Something that a lot of people don’t think about is – how does the way that I masturbate impact how I feel about my body? Every single time you masturbate you’re running a neural network you’re creating around sexuality or pleasure or you’re creating a new one… so one of the biggest areas that we have to grow to explore to create new experiences is actually through the way we masturbate.”

Layla offers a few self-inquiry questions for your masturbation practice –
How do you feel and what is the emotional tone?
Do you involve breathwork?
Do you make it safe for your body to go through a healing experience?
How do you speak to your body?

“If you want to take it one step deeper into sacred sexuality, consider does the way I masturbate actually allow me to access higher states of consciousness?”

Giveaway!

Layla is offering one lucky female-identified reader two free months of her online program the Vita Woman Membership where the participants undergo sacred sexuality training in an array of different topics and domains related to tantra.

Connect with Layla

Visit her website for awesome videos, blog posts and courses at Laylamartin.com

May 4, 2020
EP: 209 The Hidden Power of Every Person Around You, with Carl Shephard

There is a saying ‘You are the sum of the 5 people around you.’ By proxy, you will likely start to pick up the behaviors and habits of who you spend time with. So who do you surround yourself with, and do they encourage you to grow and become your ideal version of yourself? Gaining new knowledge and being consistently inspired by the people around you can drastically enhance the course of your life.

However, sometimes it’s tough to find time in an already busy schedule to go out to meet and connect deeply with the people you are really searching for. Work, family and previous commitments are all too common of hindrances that stand between us and the person we want to become. Sometimes, we need to break the pattern, break the habits, and dive right into an experience that completely redefines and aligns who we are, for the better.

This week on the Unconventional Life show is Carl Shephard, Carl shares how the people you choose to simply spend time with will alter the course of your life. Plus the release of an exciting new venture called EntrepreneurShip.

Carl is the founder of Insider Expeditions, Co-Founder of CNS Global Advisors, curator of 500 international experiences across 7 continents and two-time circumnavigator but beyond all of that he seems to be the living embodiment for the art of collaboration.

Carl is a man who really dreams big, which is why he has curated The EntrepreneurShip event sailing out of Rome this summer. The event is bringing together 500 innovators, leaders, artists and entrepreneurs together for 5 days aboard the Seabourn Encore, a luxury ship cruising the Mediterranean Sea.

This vision for this event is built upon connection and inspiration. The idea is to connect different communities together to collaborate at a larger level for social good and global impact. The event is meant to be a catalyzing ecosystem where one conversation has the power to inspire, realign and evolve you to the greatest version of yourself.

One of Carl’s favorite quotes is “If you’re the smartest person in the room, you’re in the wrong room” He would always choose to be a “small fish in a super interesting, colorful, magical pond,” which is great unconventional wisdom. So often we are taught to be the ‘big fish’ and be at the top of the ranking or game but what if you just kept jumping ponds. You would be able to surround yourself with and collaborate with people who would continue to move the needle further in your life. Carl believes that to get to the next level is only possible with collaboration, different perspectives, and more experiences.

On the ship are people from all different types of nationalities and cultures, big industries, small companies, seasoned entrepreneurs, artists and people who are wanting to start a new venture or want to do something creative. A few of the organizations and people that are behind this movement include; Daybreaker, Entrepreneurs Organization, Maverick 1000, LiveItUp, guest speakers such as Mark Hyman, Rahda and Miki Agrawal, Julianne Hough with performances by the Human Experience and Gone Gone Beyond and that is just a few. If you are looking to uplevel your life and business then this is definitely the event to join, where one conversation, one perspective shift at dinner, or one workshop can inspire you to new heights while living your best life 😉

Click here to find out more and get onboard!

February 24, 2020
Ep: 190 Creating a Movement with your Message, With Internationally-known Speaker, Williams
Most people know the classic acronym for ROI as ‘Return on Investment’ but the acronym you might not have heard of yet is ‘Ripples of Impact’
How much impact you have in the world is also your direct return on investment and the number one way to increase both versions of ROI is through learning how to become a powerful communicator.
If you have the ability to impact your listener’s at their heart, then it’s much easier for them to join your movement and take inspired action. This will have a positive ripple effect not only in your career but also in your personal life and the lives of the people you serve.
This week on the Unconventional Life show is Joe Williams. Joe is an internationally- known speaker, who coaches entrepreneurs become world-class speakers. Whether you need help finding your message, developing your message, or learning how to take the stage with confidence and aliveness then Joe is your go-to guy.
Joe was the head trainer and lead speaker for peak performance coach, Tony Robbins. For 15 years Joe spoke to “roaring crowds, got standing ovations and rock star treatment all around the world” but what he realized was that he was living someone else’s dream. What Joe was really craving was more family time and to create something more meaningful with his life. Joe pivoted and designed two offerings that stem from creating a lifestyle and career based on what you actually care about.
The first is the Creative Performance Group, which helps people master their message through ritual programs, a live event called the Speakers Bootcamp and 1-1 mentoring. The other is a book called “The Impact Awakening – How to go from having a calling to changing lives.” Ps. Click the link for a free download of the book 😉
In this episode, Joe drops some unconventional wisdom on how to master your message and how to structure your message so that the audience stays engaged and is left feeling inspired to take action.
Have an idea so big that it walks the line of being possible.
Your idea needs to be big enough and different enough, from everything else that’s out there. “You don’t create movements based around the status quo, you don’t create movements by an incremental improvement of what’s already out there, you tend to create movements by having an idea that is so big that the idea walks that line of being possible.”
Designing your Message of Mastery
Your message has three major parts
1.Your life story. What has your life uniquely primed you for to be the emissary of this message? “ Learn to tell both, the upsides of your story and, more importantly, the downsides of your journey with a moral of what you learned.” Likely you have had an experience in your life that has shaped who you are and in going through that experience you are able to authentically help and guide others to find their own way and become the hero of their own story.
“Great storytellers don’t retell stories, they relive them.” – anonymous
2. Your passions. Your passion is your greater why and will give you the motivation that you need to keep going when challenges arise. If you create your business based on your passions the joy that it brings you will effortlessly come alive through your words and within your being when you are speaking about it.
3.Your offering. How can you serve the world, what results you can really help people receive?
Communicate Effectively
The next step is learning how to communicate, how to present your message powerfully and in a way that moves people emotionally. Your goal here is to motivate people to do something different, to take action, as a result of listening to your message.
Joe shares that he took all of the classic training, Toastmasters, Dale Carnegie ect and they all taught him the same thing… script out your talk, memorize it, rehearse it and perform. He found that methodology outdated and the performance aspect did the opposite of the desired goal, to connect and have a conversation with the audience.
People can tell the difference between performing versus you showing up as your most empower self and having a truthful conversation. So Joe developed an amazing way of teaching that shows you how to tap into the specific mental and emotional state that is needed in order to deliver your message. He guides you to be able to tap into your excitement and enthusiasm to the point where your brain turns on and the words just flow out. He also teaches a great method for the structure of the talk and what areas are the most important to focus on. For a more in-depth look at the structure below, you can download the Impact Awakening Book.

The Structure

Begin with the end. “This is always your starting point when laying out an outline or structure for everything from a presentation to a book to even coaching or consulting session. What is the result you want to achieve when you are done and things have gone well?”
Create the start. “Your opening should be strong and get attention. Open with a question, a bold statement or a challenge.”
Balance “big ideas” and stories. “You will need time to introduce it, teach it, share a story to bring it alive, answer questions about it and have the audience do something to experience using the idea.”
Close with a call to action. “Decide what you want your call to action to be and then everything you do to design and deliver your message will lead to that action. All great learning experiences end with leading you to take action on what you just experienced.”
“People may not remember exactly what you did, or what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel” – Maya Angelou
Giveaway!
Joe is giving away a 1-hour private session where together, you will get to dive into crafting and mastering your message. This session is valued at 2,000$ and one of you will receive it for free 😀 Thanks, Joe!
September 30, 2019
Ep:179 Taking the First Step – From Zero to One, with the founder of Amplio Recruiting, Chris Chancey

Finding a job in today’s economy is challenging. Finding a fulfilling job is even tougher. Now imagine being a refugee, with little to no relevant experience, in a new country and a new language… Near impossible. However, Chris and his project Ampilo have trained and placed thousands of refugees into careers they thrive in. If it can work for them, it can work for you.

Chris Chancey is an advocate for the refugee workforce and the founder of Amplio Recruiting, a staffing agency that helps great companies hire dependable employees from the refugee workforce. Chris and his team have placed over 4000 people who have been forced to leave their country in order to escape war, persecution or natural disaster into employment. These people have been stigmatized in the workforce and in the community but the truth is that they are very dependable, highly motivated, growth orientated and legally able to join the workforce.

Amplio has found that these people want to give back to society, get an education, share their voice, participate in society, vote and pay taxes. Just like many immigrants before them.

In this podcast, Chris talks about Amplio and the techniques he uses to help empower refugees, or anyone looking to start a business.

How to find your big idea

See what is happening around you, just outside your door. As you become more involved with your community you will see the problems people are facing and you might be inspired to provide a solution.

When Chris met his neighbors and people in the area he realized that most conversation’s ended with people asking him if he knew of any job leads. As the relationships with his community developed further he realized that these people were strong and reliable people and this lead to the creation of his Amplio Recruiting.

An exercise that Chris has found helpful was to keep a small piece of paper in his pocket and when he “saw a gap in the way the world worked” and how he felt it could be better he would write down the solution. He then assessed if taking action seemed inspiring and exciting enough to tackle. For one week, open your eyes a little wider and look out for any obstacles that your community is facing and see if you have any creative solutions to these problems.

How to go from an idea into action

“ The risk at failing at this idea is worth the positive impact if it works- if you get to that point where the potential impact is so great it’s worth failing for, then go for it! “

Any effort you make to begin to take notice of the things that are happening around you, you might realize that you are uniquely positioned to actually make it happen.

Start and find your way step by step. It’s impossible to know exactly how this idea is going to take shape. Most people feel they need to know step one hundred before they can take step one. So just take that first step and the rest of the clues will uncover themselves.

Failure is a part of innovation and could possibly be the most important function. We receive feedback from each action we take which enriches our learning experience and sets the stage for future iterations of development. We can also reframe the concept of “failing” into “collecting data” so we keep our minds in a positive flow and effective at problem-solving.

A few mindset hacks along the way

Cultivating the right mindset along your entrepreneurial journey is essential. If we have our warrior mindset qued we will have no problem treading uphill during challenging moments.
Below are three values and keywords that Chris uses with his team to keep everyone in a positive mindset.

Humble + Action = “Humbition”
This world is a reminder to not take yourself to seriously and to try to have fun in this pursuit. Maintaining your commitment and dedication to your project is important but have a sense of humility that you can control the outcomes.

Buoyancy
“Recognizing that the role that you are in is endless- there is always more to do, it’s a neverending pursuit.” Think of that buoy on the waves and no matter how big the wave is, it still comes back upright. Just because you get knocked over by a wave doesnt mean its a sign to stop. The concept of buoyancy is a reminder that you are resilient.

“Only by rising back up can you see what the next opportunities that are coming down the pipe look like.”

Stay true to your values. Every day you will be faced with many choices and each decision may feel existential that will largely affect your business in the long term. What is required is a guiding principle, some greater metric to help you navigate. Communicate what is important to you and represents the ethos of your business. When your values become embedded in your work, they will also become embedded into your brand. These values are your foundation in which your project is built on

July 15, 2019