Unconventional Life – Podcast, Blog, Live Events

Category: Relationships

How To Leverage And Embrace Your Story, From One Author Who Did It

Most of the developed world is downright addicted to technology. Studies reveal we spend an average 11 hours per day consuming electronic media and check our smartphones up to 85 times daily.

With the majority Americans depending so heavily on technology, it’s difficult to imagine turning off all modern conveniences for even a day. But for over 300,000 people in the US, it’s a way of life.

You’ve probably heard of the Amish community. To the modern ear, it sounds unbelievable — a community that often lives without electricity, internet, cell phones, cars, or running hot water?

According to one woman, that was her experience for over a decade. Meet Torah Bontrager, a modern-day Manhattanite who grew up in an Amish settlement in Michigan and escaped at the age of 15.

Since then, she’s appeared on major media entities like ABC 20/20, MTV True Life, and The Blog of Tim Ferriss, and has gone on to write a memoir.

This week, Bontrager shares her compelling story on Unconventional Life: “From Amish-Escapee To Author: How To Powerfully Leverage Your Personal Story.”

Born and raised Amish, a simpler life was all Bontrager knew for years. In a typical day, she “would get up at 6 o’clock in the morning, eat breakfast, do the chores, milk the goats by hand, head off to the 1-room Amish schoolhouse in a horse and buggy for 1st through 8th grade, come home, work until sunset, eat dinner, go to sleep and do the whole thing again.”

Although Amish life may sound quaint or peaceful, Bontrager says it was anything but. She recalls feeling isolated from the outside world, disappointed her education would only carry her to 8th grade, and frustrated she was forbidden from expressing emotions like anger and sadness.

“The day that I graduated 8th grade, that was a sad day for me,” Bontrager says. “That fall, when school started again and I saw my younger brothers and sisters taking off in the horse and buggy down the road I cried… but of course I couldn’t show my mother my tears or that would be considered a sign of rebellion.”

Bontrager always knew she was destined for more. She loved learning and would read any book she could get her hands on. It was through her reading of titles like “Pippy Longstocking,” “The Secret Garden,” and “The Boxcar Children,” where she gradually found the confidence to overcome her circumstances and create a better life for herself.

“These stories all showed children who didn’t have loving adults to care for them, and they struck out on their own, and they survived, and that’s how I knew that I would be ok, that I could leave as a child,” Bontrager says.

Bontrager began planning her escape at age 11, contacting her non-Amish uncle through the community’s phone shed late at night. It took four years for her to finally secure a way out, when her uncle picked her up late one night and the two returned to his home in Montana.

For Bontrager, telling her story has been the greatest force for personal healing. Her message seeks to inspire others to be vocal about their own life experiences and create a culture of empowerment.

Since speaking out, her story has inspired thousands and is about to be published in her upcoming book, “An Amish Girl In Manhattan,” this Fall 2016.

If you’re on the fence about telling your own story, Bontrager recommends you first find others who have shared their stories — read their testimonies, follow their blogs, and learn from them.

“It’s hard to speak the truth when you’re the only one,” Bontrager says, but surrounding yourself with others can help you to find your own voice.

Enjoyed this post? Subscribe to my newsletter for powerful tools to create a life that inspires you.

March 1, 2018
5 Ways To Profit From Growing Your Personal Network

Over the last five years, my Dad has watched me attend one conference after another. New York, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Costa Rica, Mexico, Chicago, and Philadelphia, just to name a few. I have spent thousands of dollars on travel, event tickets, and important dinners to meet with and learn from influential industry leaders. And no matter how excited I am about what I learned, or who I met, my Dad always asks me the same question: “How is that going to translate into cash?”

Every time he says it, I could almost shake him. How does he not get it? How does he not see the value of these relationships? Even though it seems obvious to me, I know my Dad is not alone in his thinking. Historically, the path to cash has been very linear. Each person or relationship is seen like a transaction, serving a very distinct and clear purpose. Today, however, we are living in a relationship economy.

Ted Rubin, an industry leader in social marketing strategy and brand evangelism, calls this currency “Return On Relationship” (ROR). “ROR is the value that is accrued by a person or brand due to nurturing a relationship, whereas ROI is simple dollars and cents. ROR is the value (both perceived and real) that will accrue over time through loyalty, recommendations and sharing.”

Growing and building a network of relationships is essential, which is why Network Under 40’s founder, Darrah Brustein, has built a lifestyle and company out of connecting people.

I recently caught up with Darrah on this week’s podcast episode where she shares how to turn connections into cash.

Darrah says, “I can track most things that have happened in my life — both personally and professionally — back to a relationship I’ve had with someone. Once I met a man at a networking event and he asked to interview me on his podcast about my kids books. Several months later, he randomly wrote about Network Under 40 in Inc. Magazine which generated global interest that facilitated our expansion. You never know how you can help someone, as well as the power of their connections and influence.”

Darrah is on a mission to redefine the way people think about the word “networking.” In her opinion, “networking has become synonymous with selfishness, when at its root, I believe it’s about selflessness.”

To thrive in this relationship economy you have to be willing to give more value upfront than you are trying to receive. That is why the best time to cultivate relationships is when you have nothing to take–only something to offer–so that when your time comes to ask, you don’t appear self-serving. Some of the best business returns end up being the most random and you never know which connections will cash in at which time.

Want to know how to get rich from your network? Follow these 5 principles to abide by:

People are Human Beings. Look at each person beyond their perceived transactional value. See them for who they are, the interests they have, the types of things they like and speak to that. Ask them about their kids, where they want to travel, or a favorite movie they saw recently, get personal!
Be Authentic. Cultivate relationships with those with whom you naturally connect — with no self-serving agenda. Don’t be afraid to be yourself, you will find people want to help you more when they get to know the real you.

Figure Out How To Add Value. The more value you can add the higher your social currency becomes. Listen to what people need and help be the one to connect the dots for them. Every person is missing a “piece” to their puzzle, figure out the piece and when you need something you won’t be forgotten.
Keep In Touch. Always send a LinkedIn invitation with a personalized note after you’ve met someone or an email. This is a simple way to keep track of their latest job updates, birthday and other important things they might share. You can also add them on Facebook or social media so when they post something you can easily “like” it and remain a presence in their life.
Get Clear On Your Goals. When you are clear on what you need or the “pieces” you are looking for people can know how to contribute to you. Without having this clarity most people will not know how to help you. You will be surprised by how many people are willing and are just looking to you for the next step.
If you want to win a free copy of Darrah’s book “Finance Whiz Kids” subscribe to the podcast here then enter to win by following this link. Darrah has made this offer exclusively to Unconventional Life readers and listeners.

February 28, 2018
Millennials And Their Kids: Why They’re Choosing DIY Education

For millennials the conversation around raising kids is not too far off in the distant future. For many that reality is already here with over 50% already becoming parents. Unlike our parents’ generation where the procedure was get married, buy a house, and then have kids, millennials are doing things a little bit differently.

Take it from Jared Angaza who became the guardian of a 10-year-old Rwandan boy at the age of 27. He’d been studying in Africa for most of his life, and when he noticed a young boy selling peanuts outside of his office, he fell in love.

“Somebody asked me how this happened and my immediate response was I just kept saying yes,” Angaza jokes.

Angaza is the founder of Slapshot Studio, a creative branding agency that builds custom websites and developmental strategies for ambitious leaders. He’s also a philanthropist who has consulted an extensive list of human rights organizations, including the American Indian Movement, Keep a Child Alive, Genocide Intervention Fund, and USAID, as well as the US, Nigerian, Rwandan, and Kenyan governments.

Angaza is one of a growing number of millennials who are approaching the milestones of growing up nontraditionally. Increasingly, millennial parents are turning to alternative education options with 77% saying they are in support of DIY education, wherein learners craft a path to fit their needs.

This week on the Unconventional Life Podcast, Angaza shares about why he is choosing DIY education for his own kids, and why it’s a viable option for millennial parents.

Below, discover why nontraditional schooling might be right for you and your current or future family.

DIY Education Teaches Relevant Skills For An Evolving Job Market

Millennials have been dubbed the “true entrepreneur generation,” with career success looking much differently today than it did in the past. Today’s rapidly evolving job market requires millennials to be more adaptable, independent, and entrepreneurial than earlier generations.

Tomorrow’s technology will undoubtedly give rise to job titles that don’t exist yet, as we saw with social media spawning a generation of digital influencers. Which begs the question—is traditional schooling preparing our kids for the career outcomes they desire?

67% of millennials say their goals include starting a business, while only 13% say they want to climb the corporate ladder.

Bjorn Leonards, a millennial entrepreneur and alternative education enthusiast, says, “I realized that 99% of what I had “learned” in school was absolutely irrelevant for what I’m doing now. Reading, a bit of writing and basic math is really all I am using. And it can be learned very quick. We let ourselves be led by excitement and joy. I have no intention to withhold this way of inner guidance from my children.”

DIY Education Teaches Dynamic Learning

More and more millennials are recognizing that the model of being tested on information that you have been taught to memorize does not equal learning. Not every individual learns the same which is why the online course industry has grown to $255B this year.

There are infinite more options available for all learning styles online and personalization on the path to learning is one of the most key factors.

DIY Suits A Mobile Lifestyle

According to the US Census Bureau, millennials made up 43% of all movers in recent years. Nearly half qualify as “vacation movers,” meaning they’re moving to new cities without the intention of staying there long-term. Often, they’re drawn to neighborhoods with lower rents, direct access to big cities, and trendy atmospheres, including Oakland, Brooklyn, Austin, and LA.

The rising trend of the digital nomad is undoubtedly making mobility more accessible, with the number of telecommuters increasing 115% in the past decade.

With more millennials pursuing a dynamic lifestyle, traditional schooling is becoming a less viable option. Settling down in one place may have appealed to our parents, but for millennials, traveling is a high priority. Angaza has personally worked in remote locations around the world, from South Africa to Costa Rica and soon to be Kauai.

DIY Education Allows For More Connection

The average family today spends just 49 minutes together. Between the time demands of work and school, what’s left over isn’t a whole lot of quality time. More than one in five children complain they don’t get enough time with either of their parents.

With the average teen spending nine hours a day consuming media, and with ten times as many children and teens obese today compared with forty years ago, it could be that parents just aren’t actively involved enough in their kids’ lives.

Angaza says homeschooling his kids has allowed him to connect with them and foster a strong familial bond. “I’m a skywatcher—I sit outside with my daughter and we watch the stars and planets together and that’s very aligning for me,” he remarks.

Studies show homeschooled kids are happier, healthier, and perform better academically and socially than their traditionally-schooled counterparts.

Enjoyed this post? Check out more of my tools to create a life by your own design.

November 9, 2017
7 Reasons Why Millennial Men Are Reinventing Masculinity

A few days ago I was at a co-working house in Nicaragua when the topic of modern masculinity came up. It started over a spear fishing trip that was being organized where several of the men were discussing how they would rather do a yoga intensive than go. One of the girls made a joke of how “macho” they were being when it hit me how the evolution of being a man, especially as a millennial, has shifted.

Today, Less than a third of men aged 18 to 29 report feeling “completely masculine” compared with 65% of baby boomers. It is not uncommon to see many men choosing a green juice over a beer, meditating instead of watching the news in the morning, or journaling their feelings.

The masculinity modeled to us by older generations—which held that men shouldn’t express emotion, be sensitive, or show vulnerability—is fading.

Influential millennial business leaders like New York Times Bestselling Author Lewis Howes are paving the way for this new model. Howes’ upcoming book, The Mask Of Masculinity, suggests that taking off the “masks” men traditionally wear can lead to more success, wealth, and fulfilling relationships.

This week on the Unconventional Life Podcast, I interviewed a millennial man who shares his perspective on what it means to be a man and why he is doing it differently. Meet Alex Rodriguez, a 24-year-old TEDx speaker and influencer who has reached over 100M viewers online and been featured on Netflix, Hulu, and other major platforms with his brand as well as been vouched for by Tony Robbins. Rodriguez is on a mission to personally impact over 1B lives around the world by awakening them to their true self.

Below, read up on seven reasons why millennial men are reinventing masculinity.

1. They Value Self Awareness. While traditional masculinity says “don’t feel,” modern masculinity says “dare to feel.” Millennial men are committed to knowing themselves on a deep and personal level—even if what they find is difficult to confront or conflicting. Rather than hide from or deny who you are, become curious about who you are and have the courage to represent yourself authentically. Rodriguez recommends setting aside deliberate time each day to connect with yourself. “Don’t try to distract yourself and run around all day. You need to spend time with yourself and take care of you,” he says.

2. They Are Non-Conformist. The rigid gender roles for men and women are becoming more loosely defined as millennials challenge the status quo. According to one international study titled “The Decline of the Manly Man,” the percentage of men who are staying home to care for children is rising today while women are slowly surpassing men in academic performance and closing the income gap. The evolved man isn’t swayed by gender roles or what society deems “manly.” He doesn’t need to be validated externally by conforming. He acts according to his own volition, and he isn’t threatened by women rising, either.

3. They Don’t Want To Compete With One Another. Instead of trying to gain empty status, the evolved man knows his worth lies within. He is secure within himself to the extent that he doesn’t need to put others down in order to feel better about himself. Rodriguez says, “It’s so important to have an abundant mindset over a competing mindset. Don’t sacrifice treating people right or opt for profit over people because there’s so much out there to receive. When we’re in a competing mindset we are limiting ourselves.”

4. They Value Authenticity. Millennial men have no need to pretend they’re someone they’re not, because they’re not ashamed of who they really are. You can cultivate authenticity in your life by ensuring your outer self is aligned with your inner self. One Boulder, CO-based movement, called the Authentic Man Program, is dedicated to empowering men in their authenticity so that rewarding interactions are made possible.

5. The Want To Be Vulnerable. Outdated masculinity says men shouldn’t show any sign of weakness. But modern masculinity embraces vulnerability as an expression of courage. Rodriguez says, “The strongest man today is the most vulnerable. If you’re able to be self aware of what you feel and what you want and you don’t have to fake anything or try to keep up the image that society puts on you… if you are who you are, and you’re able to embrace that, you’re a man.”

6. They Act According To Their Values. A millennial man follows through on his values. He values his own sense of self above others’ sense of who he is so he honors his commitment to himself first and foremost. Rodriguez says you can get in touch with your values by folding pieces of paper in half with the following sections: needs and wants; strengths and weaknesses; and dreams and reality. Place the paper somewhere visible so you’ll continuously be reminded of it. “Remember to listen to your heart and not just your mind,” Rodriguez encourages.

7. They Are Motivated To Grow. Evolved men don’t just stop at “evolved.” They are continuously looking for new ways to grow and develop themselves. You can be proactive about your own development by attending education-based events. You will be better able to see your own blind spots in the context of relationships, so considering joining a men’s group or starting your own.

Enjoyed this post? Check out more of my tools for creating a life by your own design.

This article originally appeared on Forbes.com

October 13, 2017
Ep95: Millennials, Stop Using Business Cards And Do This Instead

I can’t count the amount of times I have gone to events and passed out business cards. Despite wanting to network I never found myself getting real followup from people or actually making real connections or opportunities.

It wasn’t until I adopted a “no card” policy for myself where I decided I would stop representing myself with a 4×2 piece of paper and instead send them to engage with my free content that I started seeing traction.

Here’s why business cards don’t work—today’s consumers are smarter than ever before. 81% of consumers do online research before making a purchase, comparing an average of five competitors for 79 days before they buy.

If there isn’t an easy and quick way for them to get to know you, you will be forgotten.

This week on the Unconventional Life Podcast, I spoke to one woman who has mastered the art of introductions by using her video content to create an impressive client portfolio.

Meet Taryn Southern, a digital strategy consultant with 500k YouTube subscribers and 700M+ video views. She’s also a former TV host and producer for shows on MTV, Vh1, Discovery Channel, and Sirius XM, and an active advisor to the YouTube Creator Board, where she provides critical feedback for Google product teams.

Southern says the success of her YouTube channel has opened big doors for her professionally. Below, read her tips about creating attention-grabbing content that can help you stand out amongst competition.

July 31, 2017